Expectations

When I cry,
I cry silent tears.
Letting go of my fears
Where no one hears.
And I am not to be heard
Or disturbed.
And no words
Can describe
The pain and stress buried in my eyes
But I try and try
To hide
The stress by
Acting like an adult
But I cry the tears of a child
Who's not equipped to handle the wild
Ways of the world
How am I supposed to act like a woman but I feel like a girl?
With adult decisions that swirl
Inside my brain day and night
But the main one,
Fight or flight?
And honestly I love to fly
So high above,
Where no one could see me cry

Silence, darkness, reality

    Have you ever heard silence? How incredibly loud and annoying it is. Silence just scream the truth. With all of the whirling thoughts, spinning and spinning until they become so overwhelming. When questions with no answers are so loud, pressuring you to answer. You secretly know you already know the answers, but you won't admit to yourself. When silence brings up the horrible solutions and only reminds of what you should have done.
    They say people can see more clearly in the darkness. It scares me to even blink at the thought of what I might see. Imagination is the greatest fear anyone can have. Fear is only in our imaginations, our sub-conscious.  Schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, OCD, insomnia, all diseases of the mind which we think are curable by other people, but what we don't realize is it's our own damn fault. Our problems are causing it and only solving our problems can make them go away.
    I wish I could be nocturnal. To sleep in light with no darkness and no silence. When people are filling the air with words. Powerful words, meaningless words, neologisms, all kinds of words but no silence. When life just continues, people searching for a higher meaning in life. It always has to be something better, but what happens when you get to the best? Does the world stop searching? No because "everything could use improvement." Being human beings, we have the brain power to understand each other, but also to question each other. That ability can either lead the best of the best or the worst of the worst. Think about it. While you're thinking. Imagine. Close your eyes and imagine your worst fear coming to life. Right there before your eyes. Then open your eyes and all you can think is it was only your imagination. Isn't that what your mom told you when you had a bad dream? It's only your imagination and you can change it. What if your imagination is sending you subliminal messages? Screaming the truth

How do you love?

Wayne says you don't know how to love
How do you?
They make it sound so easy
Don't let them fool you
Blood, sweat, and tears
go into something like that
Let your guard down once
You can get shot into the back
Right through your heart
I guess that's I have a black hole
We used to one
Then you left, and you took my soul
I'm still reaching for you
but my arms can't reach
I guess I learned my lesson
but they say I still need to be teached
I guess you can call me a dropout then
Cause I'm done with this love thing
Like B.O.B
I'm trying not to fall
But I had to say it
I would love you most of all
I don't dream
of wedding gowns and diamonds rings
Those are more like nightmares
If I tell someone, they'll come true
But don't worry about it
There's still hope for you
So live on
Find love and happiness
And remember to never regret

Broke the point

We all know everyone has a breaking point
but what happens when it's been broken
By her actions
and the words I left unspoken
I thought forgiveness is key
in the game of love because you were my token
But what you said made me want to lay down
to never be awoken
You broke my breaking point
what is there left to say
I've got pretend like I'm happy
so people think I'm okay
I've got to not cry
every time I see your face everyday
This is really stressing me out
I just want to run away
But I can't
and you know why
Since I can't cry when I see you
I go home and cry
I can't trust anyone because of you
so all I hear is lie after lie
You cast a spell on me
that I can't deny
that I love you
So why even try?

Choosing

Since when does a person have to choose between love
and the truest friend they ever had.
One wants to hurt themself
and the other one is mad
because I care so much
because I'm loyal to that person
I may look calm
but in my mind, I'm screaming and yelling and cursing
and I just wanna have peace
I just want them to be friends
I want them to get along
I want this hatred to end
But no
the fighting continues, it goes on and on
It replays in my head
like a never ending song
It's stressing me out
It's making me sad
Tell me,
Since when does person have to choose between love
and the truest friend they ever had

Confusion

Its the second worst feeling
of them all
The first is when I'm in love
I fall
But confusion leaves me helpless
like I'm a little kid
The emotions spinning in my head
and I try and try to get rid
That's why I hate confusion
There's so many other emotions involved
But still the first worst feeling is in love
when I fall.

Trust

Someone tell me what it is.
Tell me what it means.
Can you really trust a person?
Because some people aren't always as they seem.
I pored my heart out to you
I promised I would never lie.
But you never believe me
Leaving tears in my eyes
And to believe that stuff
I would never do
It really makes me wonder
Why I ever trusted you
All trust ever brought was pain
And my depression worsened
So tell me
Why should I trust a person?